I love my boyfriend. He is incredibly kind, empathetic, thoughtful, patient, handsome, brilliant, charming. He even has an accent.

He’s amazing. Until he’s not. And one of the times that he’s really not is when he has post-travel exhaustion.

Fact: constant travel is grueling on the body.

No matter what class you’re riding in, planes and trains don’t offer much opportunity for circulation, stretching and proper sleep. Suitcases and shoulderbags can be killer. And changing time zones? Well, you know.

There are a whole host of travel-related tips that we’ll be covering soon.* For now, though, there’s one change we’ve made at home that has made a huge difference: we got rid of regular alarm clocks, and swapped them for a dawn simulator.

I know, it sounds ridiculous. And unfamiliar. And unreliable. But after testing it out for the last month, I’m convinced.

Here’s the deal:

• When we sleep, our body is [hopefully] in a pretty peaceful, restful state (this is especially true if you’re in a deep sleep cycle at wake-up time).
• Yet, most of us think it’s wise to have a jarring, blaring, loud-as-all-get-out alarm clock to make us shoot out of bed and start our fast-paced lifestyles.
• And, of course, since many of us use our multi-tasking phones as alarm clocks, we have the added benefit of checking email before even getting up (guilty as charged).

It’s not so surprising, then, that our physiological stress responses are turned on even before we get caffeinated or stuck in traffic.

A good dawn simulator, in contrast, can give you a totally different start to your next 24 hours. Basically, it’s a lamp with a clock timer that you set up like an alarm. In the morning, it slowly brightens your bedroom and is fully bright by your wakeup time. Ours also has a gentle audio component, so after the light is bright, sounds begin.

Both Boyfriend and I have noticed a difference in our days, and we haven’t missed a wake-up time yet (and I get up early).

You can find simulators in stores or online. We’ve been using the Philips HF3470 Wake-Up Light, but there are many models, including travel-based types.

Good luck in your search and strategy implementation. Here’s to waking up feeling happier and healthier!

* To stay up on self-care strategies, including travel-related tips, subscribe to the LoveNotes list below! This week’s note, for instance, mentioned a few fascinating sleep stats, like the fact that going 24 hours without sleep, or going a week of only 4-5 hours of shut-eye a night, results in a level of mental impairment equivalent having a blood alcohol level of 0.1%, higher than the average legal driving limit (of 0.08%), or  that yogis are becoming more devoted to rest through classes like yoga nidra or “yogic sleep.” Yum!

Ah, the simply super results of a consistent yoga practice…..

This yoga art isn’t mine (sources point to Design by Danielle as the brain behind it). Regardless, I agree on all counts!

Recently, a teacher gave me and my classmates a homework assignment: complete a journal entry about what you want in this life.

I think about this often, but I’d hadn’t taken the time to compose an answer to this specific question. So I did.

Here is what I watched myself write:

I want a life of choice, of balance, of love.

I want a life of experiences, and delicious, spicy curries, and chocolate cake. Of simple, comfortable fabrics to wear, of clean air and sunlight. Of fresh drinking water. For everyone.

I want a life of giving and receiving, of working hard and playing fiercely, a life of vulnerability and openness and naked risk.

I want a life where mistakes are lessons, not regrets. Where details are remembered only to the extent that they make someone feel treasured, and then they are forgotten, so that we can see the big, beautiful picture together.

I want a life of children, of partnership and karmically-connected soul mates, of imperfection, mutual adoration and consistent effort. A life of honesty and shame and recovery in each others’ arms.

I want a life of laughter, of giggles and hearty howls. Of happy, full tears streaming down the faces of loved ones, liked ones, unknown ones.

I want a life where my inbox automatically, magically unsubscribes and deletes me from any newsletter that I don’t need, where cell phone signals don’t drop in the middle of a tender, crucial conversation.

I want a life where little girls and little boys know it is not only normal, but necessary, to take really good care of themselves.

I want a life where overwhelm turns into abundance after 30 seconds of fretting.

I want a life where all beings — human and animals — are treated kindly, with respect, honor and dignity. Without abuse, neglect and horror.

I want a life of compassion, creativity and more quiet.

Of consciousness.

Of heartache.

Of humanity.

Of bliss.

Of beauty.

I want a life that is ALIVE.

How about you?

Here’s one of the inconvenient ironies about self-care: the time you need it the most is often right when you have the least motivation to do it.

Just remember the last time you really fell off of the wagon. Maybe you’ve:

• snacked on a pint of ice cream instead of edamame… and then got “oh well, what the hell” syndrome as you ate a whole pizza for dinner?
• worked like crazy all week without sleeping and kept going nonstop until a nasty cold took you down?
• quit exercising and, instead of compassionately picking it back up, you beat yourself up?

I used to do the same things.

And then I learned a new way.

See, when you’re down, it takes massive energy to get back up again. It’s literally hard work for your brain to send the self-care signal because it’s too distracted with what sucks. That’s because when the emotional brain is in chaos, the cognitive brain — which helps make decisions — cannot function. It’s a little like asking your kids who hit who first — when they’re both talking, nothing makes sense.

Regardless of the neurophysiology, when I feel like a disaster, I actually do want to feel better… even if my cognitive brain isn’t able to find and choose a creative way to get me there.

So, I decided to dumb down the decision-making process.

I made a Bliss List.

The Bliss List is incredibly simple, extremely effective and has no artificial sweeteners added. Just grab your favorite writing space, and list at least 20 pure pleasure experiences. Be creative, but keep your items relatively easy and accessible — you want to write down do-able actions or experiences that will help nourish you whenever you need it, and a couple of special no-holds-barred bliss enablers, too.

My List, for instance, includes things like:

• buy fresh flowers
• use treadmill desk for 10 min
• do yoga stretches for 10 min
• drink a glass of water
• hang out with the cats for 10 min
• journal for 10 min
• go back to Big Sur

(Yes, I’m big on the “10 minutes.” That’s because it’s such a tiny time commitment that it’s easier to begin… and 90% of the work is just getting started.)

When you’re ready to start stockpiling your own self-care strategies, make your own List! And if you want over a hundred free ideas, sign up for our weekly LoveNotes to get HGY’s 103 Ways to Practice Bliss on a Daily Basis.

Enjoy the process and the practice!

Image Courtesy of chocolatecoveredkatie.com. Get her fab recipe at the link below!

Recently, I had this very sad eating experience.

It was almost as disappointing as the time my boyfriend and I went to a fabulous, “innovative” Parisian restaurant and, when told I was vegetarian, they proudly served me a plate of steamed vegetables. (Quelle horreur!)

This time, though, it was all me.

I was working on something, and decided that it was time for one of my very favorite foods: chocolate cake.

So I made some — luscious, rich, moist and decadent. I put it on a pretty white plate, providing a gorgeous visual contrast with the deep brown color of the cake. Then, I sat back down at my computer to enjoy it.

Except I didn’t.

I did eat the delicious dessert, but instead of the enjoyment that ends with the anticipation of that last, luscious bite, it all ended with the sound of my fork tapping on empty porcelain, looking for the last bite. Because I’d already eaten it, without even realizing.

When I did see the situation, my heart dropped (and, naturally, I immediately wanted another piece since my brain hadn’t really savored the first).

I know you know what I’m talking about.

The problem here is something I’ve seen hundreds of times with many different clients: I call it “eating amnesia.” 

We forget what we’ve eaten because we didn’t pay attention to the process. We were busy multitasking. We weren’t present. We didn’t let our senses engage and recognize the experience.

And, for most of us, eating must be a multi-sensory experience in order to be truly satisfying. (Not you? Just think about trying to eat when you’re sick and you can’t smell anything, and then reassess that answer).

So how do we become more mindful at mealtime?

One of the best ways I’ve ever found is to simply turn off all other distractions, and be silent.

If you’re eating with your family or with friends, of course, then conversing and catching up over food is often a welcome respite from the busy day allowing you to connect with your loved ones.

But when you’re alone, eating can actually be an awesome opportunity to connect with yourself.

I learned this first-hand at Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health when I spent a week there last year. Kripalu rules require “silent breakfast,” and they provide a no-talking eating room for those who want to take the thing a little bit further.

At first, I did think this was totalitarian and ridiculous… but then I tried it. And then I loved it.

Give it a try. Find a quiet spot to be your dining space. Unfold your meal.

Take each bite slowly, deliberately. Notice the sight, smell, texture, temperature and taste. Breathe. Do not speak — just sense, maybe even closing your eyes while chewing.

With that kind of mindfulness, there’s no way you’ll miss that last bite.

P.S. You can find one of my favorite, super-easy chocolate cake recipes on Chocolate-Covered Katie’s brilliant dessert blog.

Today, we’re talking technology.

Specifically, if you have any kind of smart phone, did you know that it’s a good idea to shut down the applications every once in a while? My brother, who’s an Apple genius (no, really, he used to work there), schooled me to this.

The applications, while they don’t suck out too much energy, can drain the battery because they’re still running in the background.

This is what those endless “to do,” C-priority items in your life are like, you know. 

Even when you’re not actively doing anything about them, they’re sucking out your energy.

Your endless to-do’s, which may be good, need-to-do-at-some-point tasks, are taking up your mindshare, right now. They’re draining your mojo drip by drip, until you finally feel an energy plummet that seems to come out of nowhere (especially since, ahem, you haven’t “done anything”).

This week, play around with shutting down your mental background applications, and pay attention to your active priorities.

If you don’t truly need to finish that task in the next 24 hours, shut it down for today. (click to tweet)

 P.S. This post originally contained a bonus, subscriber-only self-care strategy to put this idea into practice. To get exclusive reader goods like that, just join here.

Have you ever arrived at a restaurant absolutely starving and tried to resist that basket of warm, crusty bread?

That bowl of freshly-made tortilla chips?

Those serving dishes full of olives and mixed nuts?

Or, to really bring it home, have you ever looked in your fridge, scanning the shelves for something to devour…but you were so unbelievably hungry that you could eat your fist?

(Or, maybe, an entire, family-size box of crackers? Or 1/2 a jar of peanut butter, a 1/2 block of cheese, or an entire container of hummus, perhaps with said crackers)?

And that’s all before “dinner.” 

The best way to address this, of course, is simple: don’t wait so long to eat something that you eat anything. (click to share)

But that, of course, is easier said that done. At some point, you will allow too many hours to creep in between your meals. You will find yourself ridiculously hungry. You will notice that you’ve begun eliciting a Pavlovian response as soon as you see silverware.

For those moments, here are a few of my favorite tricks to keep it together.

When eating out…

• before you do anything, drink your water. Water can curb hunger pangs and help avoid that accidental emergency sweet potato fries-for-the-table order.
• before ordering your meal, order a small side salad. It should arrive around the same time as the complimentary snacks and, not only will you have something to eat, it’ll be giving your body the nutrients it craves.
• if you decide to indulge in table treats, use your dishes. If you get a piece of bread, take 1/2 of a roll, or 1 piece and put it on your small plate. Same with butter, olive oil, etc. This way, you make an upfront decision about how much you want to eat (and when you want more, you have to go get it).

When staying in…

• at all times, have simple, super SREs (my lovingly-dubbed acronym for “snacks ready-to-eat,” per my military brat background). About once a week while I’m working, I steam cubed sweet potatoes and edamame, and keep them in the fridge for when I need something NOW. Other favorites include organic frozen blueberries, individual, snack packs of unsalted nuts — you can make your own by measuring — and cleaned, cut up carrots and celery with no more than 1 tablespoon of hummus (it’s not dinner, after all).
• keep a full fruit bowl on the counter or in the fridge. I firmly believe in the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy with food. Maintain a highly-visible bowl with beautiful, natural, nutrient-packed fruits that are easy to eat by hand. I love apples, pears, oranges, grapes, grapefruits, bananas and nectarines.
• on the same token, keep your “treat” snacks out of reach. Put the chips, processed stuff and even healthy-but-high-in-calories dried fruits on the top shelf of the pantry, or in a sealed container in the back of the fridge. Bonus: This is also a great way to monitor what the kids are eating.

Snacking solutions aside, it’s also great to have back-up dinner plan. TK and Karen Friend Smith of The Kitchen Skinny  suggest that every family have three backup meals in mind, with ingredients for each in the house (and, indeed, on the grocery list!) at all times. This is a quick, totally time-saving trick that really works wonders!

Bottom line: With a little planning, you may just be able to save your appetite for the main course… but when you can’t, these tips should help you keep it under control.

Bon appetite!

This is my niece. Isn’t her smile completely contagious? Don’t you feel happier just looking at her?

Well that’s exactly what I’m writing about today.

Every now and then, science gives us normal, non-science people really cool stuff to talk about. One of my favorites is the facial feedback hypothesis, described in a classic 1980 article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Very basically, studies show something simple yet amazing: when you smile, your body creates chemicals associated with good feelings and, when you frown, the opposite happens.

Honestly, regardless of the rigorous studies, I rely on the empirical evidence for this one: I’ve seen and felt this work in my own personal and professional life many, many times.

I even teach it as one of the fastest ways to put yourself into a better psychological space.

Now, I challenge you to try a little facial feedback experiment of your own:

Take a moment (no time like the present!) and smile. Really, truly smile, bringing a genuine, fabulous memory to mind (pets and little kids always do the trick for me). Give it a shot, and just see what happens.

In the words of the wonderful Thich Nhat Hanh:

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. 

♥ SUPER-EASY SELF-CARE ♥   

If you’re interested, here is a technique to try when you feel your heart start hardening:

I sent this LoveNote to my newsletter readers this morning, but the message is SO important that I’m re-posting it here…

“Believe it or not, we’re almost in the third month of the “new” year. And from what I hear (and feel), things are busier than ever, so this week I’m letting you in on a little time-saving secret:

You do NOT have to read this.

I mean, since you’ve gotten this far, you’re obviously reading it this week… but that doesn’t mean you have to next week, or the week after. You can actually skip, 100% guilt-free, anytime you need to. You can even choose to just delete the old emails (!!) and start fresh later.

I call it… “purge practice.”

The thing is, I love connecting with you. I love supporting your self-care, sharing tips of the trade and seeing new names on this list every week. But if you’re stressed out about getting more information in, that will not help you absorb or apply it to your life.

So, when you get inbox overwhelm, please take care of yourself by taking charge of the influx. Don’t wipe out all of your emails blindly, of course (been there, not helpful), but do think long-term, make an educated assessment and, then, take out your proverbial trash.

For instance, ask and answer:

Which messages will help me be the best version of myself today? This week?
How much space can I free up in my inbox and mental bandwidth by deleting old emails?
What am I really holding on to here?

Of course, this is just one example of how creating a mindful purge practice can help you rock out your week. Start with email, and then think about other ways that you can routinely let go of what no longer serves you.

Sometimes simply getting rid of things is the best way to begin. (click to tweet)

big love,

kelly”

One last note: this process can be scary. Go slowly. Get support. And good luck with letting go!