The workday begins early.  I wake around 4:45 a.m.  I meditate for a 10 minute-or-so stretch, roll out of bed for a few sun salutations.  Complete a speed-ready regimen: teeth, contact lenses, mascara, blush, hair brush.  Out the door before 5:15.  First client of the day, done at 7, back in the city by 8.  It’s time for the second start.

I arrive home, good morning hello for the cats who greet me at the door, breakfast of whole grain toast with sliced avocado (freshly-cracked black pepper, sprinkle of sea salt), gathering of the notebooks.

Then, the coffeehouse.  Caffeine courtesy of a cortado.  Separately, a shot of hesitation begins pumping in like little sparks of electricity.  That’s called Fear, and its malignant cells multiply to make Overwhelm.  I mean, have you ever noticed that 98% of your body can say “go,” but 2% of paralysis can nail your ass to your seat?

For something that so heavy, it begins pretty simply.  What to do today?  This morning?  Right now? I check this week’s to-do list to find answers.  They’re easy enough.  Because, though it still presents its challenges, this delicious, day-to-day yoga+wellness biz I manage is, well, manageable.  But what about the next level that is underneath, making my skin feel too tight? What am I creating, exactly, here?  What does it look like, feel like?  How does it taste?   Will it make money?  Will I know enough?  Will it help the customers about whom I care so deeply?  When will it happen? Not as easy now.

Breathe.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I open my book ready to read; my notebook, ready to write.  And I sip my coffee.  My clients ask whether I am “always so calm.” I smile softly, ‘tell them you don’t get Zen without having plenty of material to work with.

I continue with the breath, feel the fear surrender into the right side if my torso, a little bit smaller, quieter, less demanding of my attention (or perhaps more defeated?  I really don’t care).  I begin my work, my creative process.  I make something, send something, post something (this something).  I share stuff, expose stuff, I make some contribution to and connect with those in my universe.

And I remember, I remind myself, that there are days, weeks and, indeed, months like this.  If you’re on the right track.

Keep going.