A Note for Anyone Who’s Creating Anything. Or Not.

The workday begins early.  I wake around 4:45 a.m.  I meditate for a 10 minute-or-so stretch, roll out of bed for a few sun salutations.  Complete a speed-ready regimen: teeth, contact lenses, mascara, blush, hair brush.  Out the door before 5:15.  First client of the day, done at 7, back in the city by 8.  It’s time for the second start.

I arrive home, good morning hello for the cats who greet me at the door, breakfast of whole grain toast with sliced avocado (freshly-cracked black pepper, sprinkle of sea salt), gathering of the notebooks.

Then, the coffeehouse.  Caffeine courtesy of a cortado.  Separately, a shot of hesitation begins pumping in like little sparks of electricity.  That’s called Fear, and its malignant cells multiply to make Overwhelm.  I mean, have you ever noticed that 98% of your body can say “go,” but 2% of paralysis can nail your ass to your seat?

For something that so heavy, it begins pretty simply.  What to do today?  This morning?  Right now? I check this week’s to-do list to find answers.  They’re easy enough.  Because, though it still presents its challenges, this delicious, day-to-day yoga+wellness biz I manage is, well, manageable.  But what about the next level that is underneath, making my skin feel too tight? What am I creating, exactly, here?  What does it look like, feel like?  How does it taste?   Will it make money?  Will I know enough?  Will it help the customers about whom I care so deeply?  When will it happen? Not as easy now.

Breathe.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I open my book ready to read; my notebook, ready to write.  And I sip my coffee.  My clients ask whether I am “always so calm.” I smile softly, ‘tell them you don’t get Zen without having plenty of material to work with.

I continue with the breath, feel the fear surrender into the right side if my torso, a little bit smaller, quieter, less demanding of my attention (or perhaps more defeated?  I really don’t care).  I begin my work, my creative process.  I make something, send something, post something (this something).  I share stuff, expose stuff, I make some contribution to and connect with those in my universe.

And I remember, I remind myself, that there are days, weeks and, indeed, months like this.  If you’re on the right track.

Keep going.

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6 Responses to A Note for Anyone Who’s Creating Anything. Or Not.

  1. Sonja says:

    Couldn’t be more timely. Perfection.

  2. Sunny says:

    When writing is this good and this true, it is worth waiting for! You have to manage your body in order to manage your perspective to go on to manage your life! Great stuff, Kelly!

  3. Amy G says:

    What a beautifully honest post. Thank you for sharing and for being your amazing self. We’re human, not perfect. Some days it takes more of a running start. Love you!

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